Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
