Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
