guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
