She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
