why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well I just put wine in my tea
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
