The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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