Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
