At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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