Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
