Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
