Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
