You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
