well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
