I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
