he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
cat food counts as protein by the way
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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