He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
