News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's blow job season.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am one with the molecules
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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