OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
