Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
