I feel great
I just peed on a car
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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