are you still at the devil's house?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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