K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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