That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
