Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
