Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
