Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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