What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm jealous of your bromance
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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