OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
