When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
