Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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