I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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