This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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