I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
