we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
