Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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