It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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