roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
