if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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