Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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