youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
