i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Pants are for mortals
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
