Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
