I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
