How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
