omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
