I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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