They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
