I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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