im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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