For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I love you. Go after that dick
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
